Accepting ~

I will not be mad at You if there is no life after death.

Grandchildren ~

The sun is shining . . .

Praying ~

As an altarboy -- I was nine or ten -- I said these words at the foot of the altar every day an didn't have the slightest idea what I was saying: . . .

". . . quia tu es Deus, fortitudo mea, quare me repulisti . . ."

[". . . for You are God, my strength, why do you keep putting me off . . ."]

Now sixty years later these same words keep returning. I have finally come to understand them.

The Wise Old Monk ~

I told him it has become hard to pray. He said the slightest calling to mind to pray is a prayer in itself.

Praying ~

Who can I pray to other than You?

St. Francis of Assisi ~

He snatched the eternal fire and brought it down to us.

Our Help is in the Name of the Lord ~

We call upon God— He sends us people.

Paleontology ~

Two hundred and sixty million years ago dinosaurs roamed the earth. Looking ahead two hundred and sixty million years from now what significance will the fleeting moment of my life have?

Offender-Victim Relationship

In Munich last year Dominik Brunner tried to protect a group of children at a subway stop from being robbed by two teenagers. In a scurry the teenagers promptly hit and kicked him and ended up killing him.
The law says that a such a courageous person can attack molesters only in self defence. But Dominik Brunner did actually attack the teenagers first, which in the eyes of the law makes his case legally questionable.


Nevertheless, the judges sentenced the young boys to long prison terms. Their verdict demanded about as much civil courage as that shown by Dominik Brunner. For people in Germany Dominik Brunner is truly a model of civil courage. He received the Distinguished Medal of the Federal Republic of Germany posthumously.

Autumn ~

It is the early reddish tinge on the leaves of the oak tree that make for melancholy.

To Solve Problems ~

Virginia Wolf toyed with the idea of death as a problem solver in her novels. In the end she committed suicide.

I wonder if the saints ever tinkered with the idea of self-imposed death as a way to solve their loving longing for God.

World Soccer Tournament ~

What about all those fervent prayers for the opposing teams? Whose side are You on? It is obvious You were for Spain . . .

De Diligendo Deo ~

Why do You drive me crazy by planting Your love in me and then frustrating me by not even letting me know who You are? Let alone not being able to get close.

Argentina 0 ~ Germany 4

Here in Germany all the flags are out and waving, like they never do otherwise, as the German team forges on in the World Soccer Tournament.

De Diligendo Deo ~

The notion of Jesus Christ, a man, as being God deprives me, blurs out, a conception of God as the Father, Creator, Love Itself. That idea of God as God lifts me away from this world, from history, to a higher, mysterious realm where I naturally place Him and sensibly long for Him.

Suffering ~

Those on crutches would look me in the face and greet; the healthy ones would pass me by.

Words ~

She turned to me and said: did you ever notice? Flowers don't speak.

Searching ~ Finding

Look for Him not in books, nor in discouse. Look in your heart.

For Us to See ~

This night I looked out my window and saw beauty on a stretched out bed of black clouds: the full moon.

De diligendo Deo ~

To live constantly in the presence of God. That is the monk's high aspiration. In so far as he does this he is never alone.

God's Created World ~

The Old Monk told me to look upon Nature as God's attempt to communicate with me.

Involuntary Prey ~

I am bombarded with advertisements, enticements to get me to buy things I don't need or want. I am a prey of consumerism!

Wise Old Monk ~

He looked me in the eye and said: You don't need much to be happy.

At Table ~

Why did they teach us to take the piece that is nearest us when the food went around at table?

First Signs ~

And inside, things are already happening: hope, strength, expectation . . .

Courageous Women ~

In Germany we presently have two heroes:

The Bishop of the German Protestant Church, Margaret Kässmann, who was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol [alcohol content of 0.154 percent] and going through a red light. She admitted that she had made a grave mistake and she willed to pay the price. No attempt at covering up. She immediately resigned from her high position as the first woman bishop in Germany. "You cannot fall deeper than into God's hand", were her words.

The second is Sabine Leutheusser-Schnarrenberger, Head of the Department of Justice in Germany. She challenges the bishops of Germany to quit covering up cases of pedophilia and to start working hand in hand with civil authorities.

Looking Forward ~

Outside my window it is bitter cold, the snow is drifted high on the lawn but the chickadees are out there checking out the birdhouse in the maple tree.

Practice Dying ~

I went back and asked the Old Monk why I should try to practice dying. He said when we die we are in a state in which we have shed everything worldly. Only at that moment are we ready to receive God.

Letting Go ~

In a follow-up to yesterday's "emptying oneself" the Old Monk said: learn to relax and let go. Practice dying.

Emptying Oneself ~

The Wise Old Monk told me to learn from my computer crash. He said I should learn from it what emptying onself means, the term the mystics used to explain what was necessary to achieve a union with God.

Valentine's Day ~

What was that I read in the newspaper? In a grade school in England the children were not allowed to exchange Valentine cards this year because they were considered too young to know what love is all about.

New Angles ~

So now a thief has offered the Federal Government in Berlin a CD he stole containing the names of German bank customers in Switzerland who have evaded taxes. Without any qualms at all, the Government has accepted the offer and will pay him $2,500.000.

Deus Obscurus ~

I told the Old Monk my problem: that when I reach out for God and there is nothing to grab on to. He said the problem is that there is too much.

Classroom

As a teacher I knew I had to hold the book in my hands, but at the same time have my arms wide open.

Haiti Earthquake ~

It was also an interior earthquake for us who trust in Him. How could He allow such a thing to happen to so many . . . ?

Song of Praise ~

I would like to sing a song of praise for the heroes on Flight 253 to Detroit who saved the lives of 278 passengers when there was a man with a bomb onboard. As of yet they have gone unthanked, unknown.

Coping ~

And just before Christmas my computer crashed, or rather burned out. With smoke. Lost everything. . . But maybe it is good to have to learn to start over from point zero-zero.

Morning Walk ~ Christmas 2009

You dazzle me with the beauty of Your creation.

An Old Friend ~

He celebrated his 90th birthday today. He used to sing in the choir. He was just a young boy when he partook in the Battle of Stalingrad. Artillery. He had a horse and carts and was to supply the troops at the front. Bloodiest battle of WW II. Two million casualties. Bitter cold: 20 below. But my friend survived. First thing when he got home: join the choir at church. His way of thanking.

I see him every Wednesday at the local store shopping. We chat. One morning he pulled out his wallet and showed me his favorite horse . . .

Inner Voices ~

How strange one gets. When going down the stairs I say to myself: Don't look at the steps, let the feet look for themselves.

While Playing Mozart ~

At the piano playing Mozart sonatas: There are moments when the music is so overwhelmingly beautiful that I thank him, measure for measure, for making those sounds possible. Something very personal.

Plaguing Insufficiencies ~

Am about to publish some poems. Just before sending them off . . . cold feet. Are they good enough? Can they survive on their own? An awful experience.

German Reunificaton ~

They were in Berlin today: Gorbachow, Bush Sr. and Helmut Kolh, the men who made reunification possible . . . along with the freedom-seeking East Germans who courageously took to the streets week after week chanting: We are the people.

Conference at the Building Site ~

They are renovating the house next door. This morning I looked up and saw the three in black standing at something like an altar. Were they studying a blue print? Were they planning the day's work? Or were they just having the first beer?

Beauty at the Clothesline ~

Stood there having a cigarette, looked askance and saw this . . .

Passivity in Autumn ~

What a beautiful autumn afternoon. Take a walk, I thought, across the fields. As if in a rowboat setting out into the deep. Don't have anything special in mind. Just let thoughts and feelings develop without my doing . . .

Wild geese came flying over in an undulating V shape heading south. My thoughts and feeling flew off with them.

At a Concert ~

Last evening a quintet from Leipzig was playing Beethoven. The music was overwhelmingly beautiful. The lead violinist captivated my attention. Blond, blue-eyed, surely a most likeable person. Somehow like a school-boy, innocent, harmless. He played with such enthusiasm and intensity.

All at once I imagined him wearing a W.W.II Nazi helmet on a battlefield and me having him in the sights of my M1 at 100 yards. Could I ever have pulled the trigger?

Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh ~ G-20 Summit

My hometown is Butler, Pennsylvania. But over here in Germany I tell people I am from Pittsburgh, hoping they can connect. But they seldom can. Now today all I hear on radio and TV is Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh where the G-20 Summit is being held there— as if everyone knows. And what is more, the word Pittsburgh even has a rich resonance when Germans pronounce it! I'm elated.

Morning Beauty ~

This morning at 7:30 I was walking along a high path looking down over fog-covered fields with only the tree-tops protruding. Coming up behind more distant hills the sun, a great bright ball. I stood there watching it roll up a distant hill.

Wise Old Monk ~

I was jammering to him about my feelings of inadequacy. He said: if you live out what you know you will receive from God what you do not know.