Music ~

Heard a song about New England yesterday on the radio. Quite moving, about fisherman on Cape Cod. For a moment I felt a twitch of homesickness. Would I ever be able to walk in the New England woods and see those landscapes again? Homesickness? Is this perhaps a longing for that other Home?

Pleasing to God

Reading a book about Francis of Assisi by Nikos Kazantzakis. He is portrayed as a merciless ascetic. Hammering down the body until it was ruined, rejecting every human pleasure. Is that the way for us to become saints? Francis knew a loving God. He must certainly have known he would be saved by that love, not by all such efforts of his own.

Tom - Hospital Visit

Tom showed me the neck brace and the corset he will have to wear. He said he had a good night, got up this morning and and went to the bathroom alone, but when he got back to his bed he was completely exausted. The doctor told him the metastases had now spread to the neck. Nevertheless, he might be coming home this weekend.

Mosquito ~

Last night awakened by a mosquite buzzing around my ear. Helpless to stop it from doing that, so I said: you can stay, but be still and I will be likewise. Feeling the movement of the air above my face I started to think to myself what a wonderful creature that was. Those tiny wings in movement, those tiny muscles. The brain, the vascular system, the nerves, respiration. And all functioning perfectly. What a wonderous creature, a cosmos in itself. Would it be right to destroy such a creation? How can I be so blind as no to see that magnificence?

Tom - Hospital Visit ~

Visited my friend, Tom, in the hospital today. He said the cancer had spread and that now metastases had shown up in the in the vertebrae. Just last week he had said that the reports he received after the chemo therapy were all good and added: "We'll soon be going out for our monthly lunch together".

Distractions ~

Been without TV now for the last 11 months. I don't miss it at all. It has given me an extra hour a day for other uses. And it is good not to have all those reminders about what I am lacking and what I absolutely need to be happy. My thoughts are not cluttered up by all the goings on. I can live in my own sphere without all the barrages from outside.

Recollection ~

During my morning walk [it is dark at 7 a.m.] I kept trying to push distractions out of my mind. After all these years why can't I keep fixed on God for those short 25 minutes?