Friendship ~

Today I get news that an old friend of mine, and choir director and organist at our church back home has been arrested and put it jail for having touched a sixteen year old music student of his in an inappropriate manner on two occasions following the lessons. He also is said to have furnished alcohol to the teenager.

Mental Images ~

I can still hear the wise old monk saying: Consider that things are often better in the imagination than they are in reality.

Fighting Insufficiency ~

It cannot be: that he who formulates a prayer better than the other is more worthy of being heard.

In this Valley of Tears ~

The insight of the old monks stands: It is the suffering, that we are bound to bear, that keeps us turning to God.

Getting God's Attention ~

Knowing our selfishness [it was given to us by Him, our Creator], I think that God must be pleasantly moved when any one of his creatures breaks out of oneself for just a moment and sends up a word of thanks to Him — for life and what we see in other people and nature all around us.

Mail from Tamara ~

Dear Charles,
I am listening to your advice and creating a lot and refreshing the knowledge of my soul. I feel more and more lately that in my painting there are actually souls - soul conversations, agreements, disagreements, stories - sad or happy. So maybe I am bringing the souls in my paintings back to life. Do you think that it is possible?

I wrote two new poems (of a sort) and one which is on my site but I had it re-translated. I would be very honored if you would read them.

About the other sites you gave to me, these days I am going to try to have some answers.

I hope that you are okay. and that your creations are flowing through you and it will not take a long time before I will have the opportunity to read them.

Thank you again for everything.
Tamara

Experiencing Loss ~ Soccer Championship ~

There was a picture in the newspaper this morning of a young boy in Hamburg with the German colors wrapped around his shoulders walking along the sidewalk with his head down and the caption read: Insurmountable Katzenjammer. I have heard some people who ridicule these fans who just can't seem to get over a loss. I feel for them. They'll pull out of it eventually. Just give them time. Besides that, maybe it's not bad to get some practice at experiencing loss. There are other insurmountable losses coming. Like when you lose your son in Iraq or a child drowns in the pool.

World Cup 2006 ~ Soccer

They have been three weeks the likes of which I have never experienced in all my time in Germany, some 40 years now. It was soccer that had brought a nation together again: in a common dream, a common hope, a common aspiration, that 11 men gave their all to bring about. And something as trivial as football had brought about that miracle. They had even brought out the flags again that they had only hesitatingly used for official ceremonies for the last 60 years. We were all caught up in the color and the gaiety.

Last evening, in the last 2 minutes of the match, Germany lost. Quietly now, with watery eyes, people are trying to get back to a normal Wednesday.

An End to Arrogance ~

America is functioning again: When a court of law can rebuke the President and say that even he must obey the laws of the land.

Face of the Newly Born ~

There is no end to looking — We look and look at a baby's face and can never get enough. What is it that we see? Is it something virginal, unspotted, something beautiful that was ours that we have lost and are seeing there again for a limited time, knowing that it will soon disappear?

Solemnity in the Streets ~

It was truly magnificent! Feast of Corpus Christi in our village in Germany. 60 altar girls/boys, 30 choir members, 35 musicians of the brass band, grown ups and children in the local costume, 30 members of the fire brigade in dress uniform. The priest under the canopy with the monstrance, men carrying church banners, all marching slowly through the streets to stop at three different altars for the blessing with the Eucharist. What deeply impressed me was the atmosphere of awe and the many people along the way who would go down on their knee or bless themselves as the monstrance passed by.

The Soul's Desire ~

The advice of the wise old monks stands: Avoid the things of the world, do not let them divert you from the one important thing, Him, for whom your soul longs.

Voices from on High ~

I look up into the blue but can't catch sight of the lark singing all those glissandos to thank You for a perfect Sunday morning.

David ~ With Sword and Harp ~

The story about Saul and David [1 Kings 16 ff] reads like a drama script. Been reading only one or two paragraphs a day, but the suspense keeps mounting. There are lessons we can learn from this David!

Should Little Things Hurt So Much? ~

That sinking feeling I had yesterday when I saw that the zinnia and calendula I had planted and had been nursing along since sowing the seeds in April were gone. The snails had visited overnight and had destroyed most of the batch.

Good to See You Again ~

The chimney swifts are here again and they are having a great time this morning flitting and darting in the light breeze.

Out in the Fields ~

It was on a hillside, a beautiful long meadow where the wild orchids were in full bloom. Our group admired them at the side of the path and then ventured into the fields deeper to get pictures and get a close view. An expert told us about the many varieties and the dangers from pesticides and acids. You felt as if they were now yours if you were able to identify them and name them.

I felt the elusiveness of the beauty of flowers. It is for us to see, to enjoy, but their beauty remains apart from us. It belongs to God alone, and He is beyond all possession.

Thank You ~

How thoughtful of you, Cheryl, Pia and Bob to send me your congratulations and well-wishes. The never-expected surely does enliven. As a grandfather you made me feel right chipper again. Thank you for your kind words. Charles

Letter from Tamara ~

Dear Charles,
I hope that my letter is finding you in high spirits even though all of the events in the world are not making humanity feel so cheerful. Anyway, that is what I feel.

I have a big favor to ask and I hope that I am not bothering you. I will never forget that you helped me with the Auschwitz museum. Without you I would not have sent my art to this place. Time in general is limited and I have so much to accomplish. What scares me is that I do not have much time. I came to the realization this year that to purify my soul the paintings should be shown in Germany also. I do not know to whom to turn or what to say. Some places around the world, when I approached them with my art, did not even answer. Europe is not any more the world of yesterday of Stefan Zweig.

I hope that you are in your creative period. I am creating with a slightly different perspective which brings me a lot of satisfaction. I am not a person who thinks about time, dates and numbers. It was never important to me. But when I start feeling the limits, I start thinking about the end of time.

I am sorry to bother you. I would be very glad if you could help me with a name of something else.
I wish you a nice summer.
Warmly,
Tamara

Gift from Heaven ~

What does a first time grandfather say when his daughter, the little baby girl I used to play with on the soft carpet in the living room, has given birth to her own baby now? She kept waiting for me to say something on the phone. . .

Meeting with a Poetess ~

Yesterday we were sitting in a restaurant. She is eighteen and college bound. She wanted me to see some of her new poems. There was one she had written about her mother, about breaking loose and going off on her own:

"I tried to hold myself in your arms, Mother . . .", she wrote.

Beautiful, poetic idea. I tried not to show her how deeply it had moved me.

World at the Window ~

Standing at my window in my study I can view our yard at eye level. What all can be seen there as the months pass! One foot away I have the most beautiful columbine that has shot up between the flagstones.

Treasure Piece ~

Today I disposed of an old black briefcase Aunt Martha had given me as a graduation gift back in the 1950's. I had used it through my college years and as a young teacher. When it was too worn to use I just couldn't bring myself to throw it away.

From my window, with heavy heart, I watched as the disposal truck came and drove off with it.

Valley of Tears ~

Spent the hour at the piano this morning. How consoling and quieting were the Bach hymns I played after attending the crushing funeral services for Dr. C. yesterday. I played with his wife and two daughters in mind.

Sadness ~

Just four months ago he gave me my yearly checkup, Dr. C., the dermatologist. Yesterday I read in the paper that he had died. Fifty-six years old. On inquiry they told me he had hanged himself.

Monk's Insight ~

The lesson of the wise old monks stands: If you have all you need with 20 of a thing, do not strive for 30.

Kodak ~ Another Icon ~

Heard rumblings yesterday that Bell Laboratories, a symbol of American ingenuity, is about to be dismantled. And now, Kodak is focusing very sharply on digital. If their late entry into digital photography doesn't pan out the whole complex might come tumbling down.

Something Big is About to Happen ~

Our daughter is about to give birth to her first child, our first grandchild. Expecting in the first week of June.

Last Words ~

I remember my friend Tom who died last December saying, jokingly, that when he was gone he would make himself felt by tugging at my jacket when I was out taking my morning walks. I didn't take him literally but started to think that the crows I see when walking might somehow be expressing that tugging. Ah, that's silly! Be that as it may, somehow the crows have taken on new meaning for me.

Starting from Zero-Zero ~

A Black Day it was when I tried to reinstall Microsoft Windows and lost just about every bit of information I have stored. It is that feeling that the house burned down or the city was bombed. Having to start again from scratch. But on the other hand, it is good to be free of all the balast. Maybe a clean board will free up new energy.

Walk in the Woods ~

Every now and then one realizes things in a whole new light. For example, the notion that nature in all its forms is a being that is totally independent and that it exists all by itself and needs no help from man. Trees and flowers and birds and insects are givens. Literally given to us. One is astounded when one realizes that obvious fact fully.

Faultfinding ~

It is irking. Nobody cares to be corrected every time they turn around. To refrain from correcting is a virtue that has a definite, positive effect when it comes to the relationship with one's partner and/or children.

At the Piano ~

Take J. S. Bach, Goldberg Variations, Nr. 30 and play it — you can do it a lifetime — and every time, every time, that electrical feeling runs through you and you awaken to the sublime.

Morning Walk ~

Stood in the middle of a field and listened to a happy twirping of a lark that was fluttering high above me. Then I saw a windhover approaching, stand perfectly still in the air, the soft white of the flapping underwings caught in the sunlight. Then I saw a crow coming from directly behind the windhover and finally the two birds swooped. The crow flew on but the windhover went down.

I waited long but saw nothing more of that noble wind-dancer.

King Automobile ~

The price of gasoline this week in Germany: $6.38 per gallon. Are we crazy, paying that kind of money? We are worshiping the idol of mobility?

German Youth ~ 2006

Saw this while passing a kiosk this morning:

Every fifth 14-year-older has already had sex.
60% of the High School students have nothing against a One-Night-Stand.
30% only pretend they have had a orgasm.

from: Bild Zeitung, Berlin

Bell Labs ~ Pride of America ~ Gone

Bell Labs has been bought by a foreign company. Another American icon, our inheritance from Alexander Graham Bell, gone. There have been no protests, no cries of rage, not even an offer from another American company to acquire it. What has happened to our American pride?

At the Gravesite ~

We took her to her grave yesterday. She was 94. Spent a life in the service of the church. Her brother was a priest and she forfeited marriage to be at his side lifelong as housekeeper and helper. She played the organ and sang. And she could cook. She lived next door to me and I would visit her. And watch out when she would walk to the nearby post office in ice and snow without a coat.

There weren't many people at the funeral. All her friends had passed on long ago.

Living by Faith ~

Living by faith is a risky business. He who lives by faith runs the risk of having lived it in vain. But I must be up to accepting that challenge. By no means easy. Why does this thought keep recurring?

Johannes Passion ~ Johann Sebastian Bach

Just spent the regular morning hour at the piano. Spent the whole time on one aria of the Passion that kept pulling me into its spell. While playing I thought what a privledge it is to be able to bring Bach's profound religious emotion out of an instrument. I feel indebted to Bach for showing me the depths of sorrow and making me feel it in a way that no other medium ever has.

Wonders of Childhood ~

But wasn't it in childhood that I experienced the most wonderful awarenesses. Like that day at the age of 3 or 4 when in that wallpaper shop with mother. The vague, harmonious memory of those moments there produces an overwhelming pleasure and strong longing for the happiness of childhood that differs so distinctly from all other later pleasures. Regrettably, it is not something I can recall at will. It is a feeling that has come over me maybe a dozen times in life, and when it does I realize that I am there in that place.

Flying to God ~

I once heard someone say that the soul, in its natural state, would fly to God. We block this natural movement by allowing our distractions to weigh the soul down.

Changing Perspectives ~ On Reading Shakespeare

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
The struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.

I remember reading these lines as a High School student. I was amazed at the ideas Shakespeare presented, the beauty of the metaphors, the strange new way of viewing life. On reading this now there is none of that fascination for the artistry.

What I now read is a precise description of reality as I know it to be, a satisfying statement of truth.

Contraptions for Seniors ~

Now I find it useful: a shoe horn on a long shaft.

Graceful Seniors ~

Graceful? . . . When your nose runs continuously, embarrassingly?

Floating with God ~

Early Irish monks had an unusual way of doing God's will. They would get into a small boat and let it float to wheresoever. . . Now that sounds strange, but somehow I like the idea of floating with God.

St. Bernard ~ Intellectual ~

. . . So surprised to find him saying this:

"You will find something more in woods than in books. Trees and stones will teach you that which you can never learn from masters."

Adapting ~

When the first passenger jets took to the air people were wary to fly in them because they felt unsafe without propellors.

Iraq ~

Today the cost of the Iraq War reached $250,000,000,000.

Parents' Lives ~

Often nowadays I find myself musing over my parents' lifetime in the '20s, '30s and '40s. How they lived such a full life. Their friends, their active social life, their successes. And now it is all ashes and dust, a forgotten story except for a few threads that still exist but will cease to when we pass on.